I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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