I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
