I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
