How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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