I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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