maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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