I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You don't make any sense
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