I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
