I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
