i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize