who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
