Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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