Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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