remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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