i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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