my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
