There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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