why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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