This is not my ceiling
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize