he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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