tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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