I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
