If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
