If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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