i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
