Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
