Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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