is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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