Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
