you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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