He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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