dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
