My brain says no but my pants say off.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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