You're my little dorito
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
