But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
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so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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