I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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