You're so nebulous sometimes
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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