Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
