i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
