we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
sex in a hospital.. check
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
