I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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