I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
