I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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