miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
