just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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