My room smells like vodka and shame
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
