Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize