All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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