You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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