We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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