Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
