grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
