Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
