remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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