I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
