you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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