Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
