ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
