hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
