If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
