Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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