I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
