I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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