How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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