i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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