Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
