He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
