What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Quick, to the slutcave!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
