i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My life is pants optional.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
