I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
