Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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