YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
