If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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