ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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