Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me