hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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